Thursday, September 29, 2005
saturday is my op and i'm crying like fuck now. anyway i wont have a chance to cry when my op is over or it'll definitely affect it. i hate my fucked up life now. everything is just in a mess. i dont know what i'm doing. i've shed enough tears and it just doesnt seem to end. the pain inside is getting worse as the days go by. i want to end all this and lead back my old life. i had enough of this crap. i'm just so sick and tired of sitting here waiting. i really regret every single thing. now i'm still deciding if i should carry on with the plans. maybe i should. that would be the last and after that, i'm gonna forget about everything. forget about some particular person. whatever you said. you left giving all sorts of excuses. and all those lies you've told. 2years?! i doubt you can do what you said before. i'm so tired of all this. i cannot take it easy cos i'm the one suffering here and no one gives a fuck. everything is okay to them. just because i talk normally doesnt mean anything. not everything can be forgotten in a night. you can take things easy but i cant! cos my feelings have been toyed. by you. someone whom i thought could make me happy. you know how i feel now? no one does. its just terrible. good thing work helps me keep my mind off everything. but everytime i stop working, i start thinking alot. so much that its hard to continue working. i nearly broke down during work today when i got ur msg. ahhh. forget it. no point anticipating. took quite some time before i decided to even ask you. cancelled my meeting with her cos she wanted to see me before my op. but all i thought of seeing was you. anyway you're busy with your stuffs so expected it. anyway wont want to bother you anymore. i'm gonna stop being irritating cos i know how it feels like. its like when you're done with this person, you totally dump them aside. however happy the person tries to make you, it wont have anymore effect on you cos the feeling is gone. i know what its like. i've done it and now i'm experiencing it myself. this is all retribution. i did it to her, now someone does it back to me. talking about her, i've hurt her so badly. i know how she feels. i'm in her position now. im able to tell the whole world anything and everything except being able to tell you. its hard to say it out to you. i just cant. i dont want you to have further problems troubling you. but its terrible to keep it all to myself. bearing all the pain alone but what else can i do. one thing i didnt tell you before.. you were partly the reason i wanted to leave her.. i thought with you, i could get my life straight. and one of the things her friend scolded me that time was that she wished "the guy would dump and hurt me" and when that happens, dont go running back to her. oh well. it did happen and its a lesson ive learnt.. bettina | 1:13 AM
anyway all the best for tomorrow.. hope you get selected. will always be praying for you.. and no matter what, will always be rooting for you in whatever you do..
thinking if i should password protect this blog. maybe i should..
just got back home. super tired. ): bettina | 10:25 PM
anyway im boiling mad right now! dont ask me why or dont come talk to me cos i'll probably just SCREAM AT YOU RIGHT NOW. UGHHHHH. fucking pissed now. ):
why are there such people in the world!? tell me!? i just dont understand! damnit. im so damn angry but i dont know why also! all fucking lies lah! ARHH.
lets just changed the bloody topic cos its making me so ANGRY.
anyway some bung messaged me in friendster.
"it is not often that teenage girls like you would post a picture (or many pictures for this matter) of their younger sibling as the main picture.really struck a chord with me so here i am just taking a shot at wanting to get to know you. (: and ohh hello there."
ahah. that primary photo of me and my little sis can attract people sia. hah.
work today was alright la. just tiring. andddddd the cleaning auntie found my atm card la. dumb. but anyway i cancelled it last night so the card is already deactivated, so i replaced it on the spot but for free! (:
hrm. i can actually feel my heart beating super fast now. COS IM STILL ANGRY! hah. superr angry la. i just feel like screaming right now. damn it! sorry but i just need to say it all out here cos i cannot take it anymore. seriously!
SIGHHH. ):
SHIT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. but i dont understand why me!? i feel so damn fucked up now. ARGH. im not going to bother about anything around me ANYMORE! its so bloody useless you know!? ahh. whatever!
tomorrow going down to the tattoo artist's house. YAY! but not doing yet. going down to talk to him about my design! whats exciting about my life is just this and my op. thats all. ): my life is so sad.. argh. i feel so.. USED. you know! like why should i be so stupid. okay shall stop all this. GOODBYEE!
bettina | 12:44 AM
its always during the nights when i miss you so terribly much........ bettina | 12:16 AM
anyway dad was like.. do you and ______ still talk? i was like.. hrmm. alright la. what else can i say right.. sigh. have been so busy with work that i have hardly time to do anything! for example, unpacking my stuff, meeting up with my darlings.... ): workworkwork.. sigh. how i wish i still have you to look forward to seeing everyday.. you promised you'd visit me the next time i start working. i guess thats never gonna happen anymore.. ):
tomorrow after work, might be having dinner with the canon colleagues at bedok. but cos all of us are separated at different locations, so... i dont know how yet.
anyway, after my op, i'm going to get my tattooo! finally! (: the tattoo artist is coming back singapore tomorrow. and right after i recover, i hope to get it done before my birthday. (: soo soo excited. anyone wants one too? can get yours customised by the tattoo artist himself and at an affordable price. (: contact me if you're interested.
met celine at 6pm at funan. went up to canon link, signed my time sheet, and when i went to the reception, nigel asked me. "hi ma'am. how can i help you?" thought he was joking with me. so i laughed. "i'm looking for alex." so he went in. "alex, there's one customer looking for you.." oh my gosh. he's so damn blur lah! haa. bettina | 10:22 PM
went bugis to pass dennis me and andrea's time sheet then had dinner with celine. bumped into candice (: havent seen that girl for such a long time. then went back to funan for staff meeting. meet about what? hah. planning of christmas party. we're booking a chalet and we'll be exchanging gifts AND must bring a partner? wth. andrea has her steven. hrmmmm.. can dont bring partner!? ):
celine gave me a bottle filled with cookies and M&Ms. thanks pohpoh. (: so nice of ya. and if you guys are wondering, i only treat her as a FRIEND. nothing more than that. i dont want to lose a friend over a broken relationship. (:
anyway, gotta run! dont wanna miss america's next top model!
the crazy guitar man is singing SOOO damn loud that i can hear him from up here! i can hear every single word he's singing. he's like screaming at the top of lungs. hah. talking about the guitar man...... bettina | 4:23 PM
leaving home now. celine wants to meet me. read her blog. she said today's a special day. i know why. its 26 sept today. supposedly our anniversary. oh well. just meet her to make her happy. she also mentioned in her blog that she's giving herself time till my birthday. after my birthday, she'll stop being like this.
took photos of the places we went and did together.. the drain below where we burnt my stuff.. the pen mark you left on my bolster, the words you wrote behind the frisbee "SYD (: ", my neighbour's house.. the sofa we sat on.. bettina | 12:52 PM
all placed in a folder in my phone called "memories".. (:
sigh. have been feeling quite down the past few nights. dont know whats wrong.. but it seems like only one person in the world can make me happy.. but now he's gone..
morning world. got waken up by andrea's phone call. she called to say that there's a staff meeting later on!! ): and today's my off day. sighh. must travel allllll the way down later on. bettina | 11:54 AM
i'm so tempted to talk to you. wondering how you're doing these few days.. sigh.. what to do. i still think of you all the time although i know its useless.. i hope you're happy now.. want to see you happy all the time.. will always be behind watching you..
what makes me sad is that i didnt even have the chance to tell you i love you..
Frowning in confusion as you backed away bettina | 1:53 AM
With a small smile gracing your beautiful face
Blinking back tears of anguish
I open my eyes to darkness as I realize
That I had only been dreaming...
new layout once again! quite troublesome cos as you can see, EACH polaroid below is an individual link, therefore i had to align them one by one so that they are in place. total time taken to do this is 2 hours. (: was thinking about the design in the bus. comments! bettina | 10:34 PM
anyway work was alright la. kept yawning though. drank 2 cups of milo, 1 cup of hot chocolate, 1 cup of mocha and 1 espresso during work! did alot of redemptions today and answering of phone calls. annnnnnnddddd i thought work start at 9 today so i cabbed down as i was late. in the end, work started at 10:30 lah.. one and a half hours alone doing nothing. nearly cried there. hah. and wasted money taking a cab down.
finally off tomorrow.. (: going to sleeeeeep cos i havent been sleeping much the past few days. oh. on the bus just now, i thought about alot of things. and im quite excited about the plans i was thinking about. just hope i have a chance to do them.
i grew up in hebron BP church and i knew one girl there called josephine. we werent close but when i switched church, we started contacting each other through msn and sms-es. we became close for a while and planned alot of outings together but in the end we hardly met. but i always bump into her in town and we used to bitch alot together. bettina | 1:05 AM
last week she told me she's leaving for london to study and thats tomorrow 11pm! ohh man. didnt even have a chance to see her face to face before she leaves. she's so sweet. she'll msg me once in a while to ask me how i am and stuff. i just talked to her on msn and was so sad to hear she's leaving tomorrow and we havent even met! last week i told her i'll meet her up this week but due to work, i didnt have the time to. oh well. gotta wait a few months before i see her again.
take care jo while you're there. thank goodness there's still msn. and i can still sms you. (: see you when you get back!
am working now.. its been a long day. had bad bad gastric in the morning.. and therefore had no appetite to eat at all. only at breakfast, no lunch or dinner. sigh.. it still hurts. argh.. bettina | 7:18 PM
anyway whole day i have been at the 3rd floor watching films for 3-4 hours. too bored. but the shows are really nice.. (: there's an event downstairs called Digital Video Fest and saw many of my bosses. scary. they are the bosses of my boss's boss. haha. yepp. and my fingers and nose are freezing cold! its so difficult to type cos my fingers can hardly move properly.
just now i attended to this irritating customer. the way he speaks is like talking to ants! i had to keep "pardon?" "HUH!?" hahaa. so irritating lah.. had to like bend over to him before i can really hear him..
yesterday cy, crys and sam say next week want to club, but i cant! no alcohol one week before op and one week after op! argggghh. today is exactly one more week before my op. abit scared but at the same time excited. what if it turns out like shit and no one wants me!?!?!?! i'll just hate myself forever.. tsk. what if, the doctor accidentally got knocked and POKE my eyeballs? .......... okay choyyy. that would never happen (i hope!).
and celine wanted to fetch me home after work. told her not to come.. she's been contacting me this few days. better not let this happen too often or else..... yup. dont wanna hurt her further. alright. shall blog when i get back home. one and a half more hours before i knock off!
I will not make the same mistakes that you did bettina | 4:14 AM
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
just got home from supper with chengyin, crystal and samuel. had cheese prata. (: slept in the car on the way home. too tired.. bettina | 3:27 AM
after work, celine waited for me outside canon link and we took a train down to town as i had an appointment.. and its weird seeing her keep smiling.. she waited 2 hours for me and while waiting she started scribbling on the journal i gave her last time. she wrote alot of things, pasted all our neoprints, photos and drawings. she waited for me till her last train which was around 11:45pm. when she left, i read the journal and before she left, she wrote that she wished i could give her a hug before she left.. but by the time i read it, it was too late..
then me and chengyin walked all the way from orchard mrt to douby ghaut mrt cos there was nothing to do! and we had to wait till crys and sam came out.. so we waited till about 12:45am? when they came, we still couldnt decided on a place to go so we drove and drove and drove..... and ended up at pasir panjang and had prata. was super tired. been out since 10am today. tomorrow is another long day. working from 11am - 9pm. goshh. ):
its cold tonight.. i hope you're wrapped tight in your blanket.. and that you aren't lazy to grab your aircon remote and switch it off if it is on.. bettina | 1:50 AM
thinking of you all the time..
just got back home from Canon's launch party at far east square. (: the previous launch party was at double O. damn it. haha. they all said it was much much more fun! anyway i enjoyed myself ALOT. drinks were FREE and cos im not allowed to drink one week before my op and one week after my op, so.. yepp! drank a biiiggg cup of beer equivalent to 2 cans. (: bettina | 11:42 PM
there was one part of the show where the MC told the showgirls to pick a few girls up AND i was so unlucky to be one of them! so many people watching lah. so embarrassing! haha. so went up the stage and had to do some stuffs. LOL. it was fun! (: photos will be up soon.
kelly poon was there and we took photos with her too. (: can tell that we were the youngest group there. the rest were like working people. canon rocks. (: i love the people there! they really look after you. :D during work, jesper and alex allowed us to print photos so we took many photos and printed them. and i took my phone and printed the photos in them through bluetooth and infrared. wanted some of those photos in my phone cos im gonna put them in an album. memories... (:
and jesper, one of the full time staff there, is SOOO flirt i tell you. hah. asked me go his house after the party and stuff. super flirt. but he's damn funny. he's from ngeeann too. graduated already though. but superrrr ah-beng. :X (i hate ah-bengs)
anyway, kim's friend asked me if i wanna work at millenia walk sell wine. $10 an hour PLUS commission! depending on what type of wine i sell. the commission ranges from $4-$30! thirty bucks for commission? who dont want! haha. but working hours is late. 7pm - 1am. oh well. she said she'll call me again. (: work work work......
tomorrow will be meeting chengyin, ivy, crystal and elsie at taka at 8am for delifrance buffet breakfast. and then rush down to work at funan. going to be a longg day tomorrow. after work, celine says she want to find me cos she has a surprise for me?? hrmm. then gotta go california fitness and meet the girl there.. then staying out late at night again. west coast! (:
my sister is so sweet. she's only primary 4 and she understands so much. she knows what im going through.. thank you meimei although you probably wont get to read this. i love you too. i feel like asking you about friday's outing.. but i guess i shouldnt disturb you. its just so hard seeing you online and yet not able to talk to you.. everyone is asking me what happened. they all say "its alright bett..", "its okay..". it's NOT. its not at all.. i'm so sick of crying but the tears wont stop. i've been at home thinking so much. everywhere i go.. images of us start flashing through my mind.. especially in my room. how can i not think? its been such a long time since i cried so badly.. makes me think this has been a mistake right from the start. bettina | 8:15 PM
Beverleigh loves eating japanese food and she says japanese food is YUMMY!!! I repeat myself : YUMMY!!!!!!!!! says:
jie
Beverleigh loves eating japanese food and she says japanese food is YUMMY!!! I repeat myself : YUMMY!!!!!!!!! says:
one nite wen both of us were sleeping you were saying "he dont care for me anymoore i dont noe wat hapen to him"
Beverleigh loves eating japanese food and she says japanese food is YUMMY!!! I repeat myself : YUMMY!!!!!!!!! says:
that was wat you said
BETTINA ** says:
really?
BETTINA ** says:
i said that in my sleep?
Beverleigh loves eating japanese food and she says japanese food is YUMMY!!! I repeat myself : YUMMY!!!!!!!!! says:
yes
Beverleigh loves eating japanese food and she says japanese food is YUMMY!!! I repeat myself : YUMMY!!!!!!!!! says:
you ah
Beverleigh loves eating japanese food and she says japanese food is YUMMY!!! I repeat myself : YUMMY!!!!!!!!! says:
dont worry too much ok?
BETTINA ** says:
okay.
Beverleigh loves eating japanese food and she says japanese food is YUMMY!!! I repeat myself : YUMMY!!!!!!!!! says:
you have me by your side
BETTINA ** says:
thanks mei.
Beverleigh loves eating japanese food and she says japanese food is YUMMY!!! I repeat myself : YUMMY!!!!!!!!! says:
[ pat pat ]
Beverleigh loves eating japanese food and she says japanese food is YUMMY!!! I repeat myself : YUMMY!!!!!!!!! says:
dont cry
Beverleigh loves eating japanese food and she says japanese food is YUMMY!!! I repeat myself : YUMMY!!!!!!!!! says:
i can hear you sniffing from here
Beverleigh loves eating japanese food and she says japanese food is YUMMY!!! I repeat myself : YUMMY!!!!!!!!! says:
i love you
new layout. (: chengyin say its too plain and not like my kinda usual layouts. oh well. i've kinda lost the touch to do this kinda things now. maybe will do something better the next time. bettina | 11:39 AM
chengyin is deciding where we should go later cos its so darn boring at home. she was thinking of going sentosa but its raining now..
and my mom is so irritating la. she just came into my room and started asking me alot of questions. how her questions diverted to that topic was because of lunch. she was asking me our lunch is going to be like all vegetables and asked if i wouldn't mind. so i just kept quiet all the way and i guess she could feel i was irritated so she walked out. i really hope they can stop asking me already.. im very tired hearing what they have to say to me. i always say i'm fine, i'm fine. but actually i'm not.. this is going to be very hard for me. i have no more faith in anymore relationships. i'm tired. i dont think i can ever find someone like ______. thanks to my darling friends for always being there..
*to him.
(although i dont know if he'll get to read this..)
falling for you and getting to know you was the best thing that ever happened in my life. although knowing my chances are zero. but you've always been the one here during my darkest moments and you never fail to brighten up my days with your jokes and how you used to punk'd me. (: thanks for letting me be part of your life for a moment.. tomorrow is the one month since we first met. 22nd of august 2005.
i've decided i shall continue blogging.. bettina | 12:01 AM
work today was long. 9am-10pm. more than twelve hours. but it was less on work today. 9am-2pm we were at pan pacific hotel. only 5 had the privilege of going for the training. and we had buffet lunch which was so damn good. oysters, salmon, mussels, drunken prawns, and many more. the 5 of us, me, andrea, kimberley, desrina and alex couldnt stop going for 2nd rounds. in the end, we were the last table left there. anyway we were being paid to eat so, we stayed for as long as we felt like it.
went to harbourfront alone cos the rest worked in either funan or dmh today. and i finally dared to answer the calls. it wasnt as bad as what i thought it was. served some crazy customers. very chee-ko-pek.
one ah pek walked up to the reception table cos i was sitting there typing the redemption stuffs. and he came up to me and said i was very sweet-looking. ERRR? okay thanks uncle. then one customer called for help on cameras and printers so i walked him round the showroom introducing the new models and current models. but there was one technical question which i could not answer so i asked if i can get one of my colleagues to help him. then he said with this very PERVERTIC SMILE. "but i want you to serve me leh!" .........thanks ah sir. i'm very honoured but dont have to smile until like this ah. give me the creeps.
work is actually quite relaxing and the people are so nice. left KBT at 6:15, took a train down to bugis and met andrea there before walking to canon digital media hub located at bugis for my 2nd training of the day. this time it was camcorders training. sat there for 2 hours playing with the camcorder. learnt alot of stuffs i didnt know. left DMH at 10pm, went bugis junction with andrea, kimberley and her bf for dinner. and now i'm back home..
anyway, some lady from california fitness called me saying my friend put my name in her VIP list and i'm entitled to 2 months of free usage in california fitness. but i asked her who is this friend? she said she wants to remain anonymous. very weird. WHO IS THAT PERSON? hrmm. 2 months leh! im entitled to the facilities and stuff. and i'm suppose to go down to the one opposite cineleisure on thursday. this is so weird.
off day tomorrow. shall stay home and sleeeeeeep all the way. ):
old and new ones. ): no more newer ones i promise.
cried in the bus trip and while walking home.. tears just couldnt stop flowing although i know the answer now. kept thinking about lots of stuffs during work, browsing through my photos, and everytime i do that, i cannot help but cry in the toilet.. i guess i have to stop being like this. ): i told andrea, i'm never going to fall in love with any guy anymore. maybe girls are better afterall. they'll never do such things to you..
i'm feeling exceptionally like shit tonight. resulted to hurting myself again. dont wish to, but i feel terrible. i dont know why but i havent felt this way in a long time. i cannot stop thinking of the worse things and tears just wont stop flowing. i really wish all the pain would go away. bettina | 11:08 PM
i shall stop blogging for now. there really isnt much to blog these days. goodbye..
): slept the whole afternoon. and i dreamt about alot of happy things only to find it all a dream when i woke up. bettina | 8:53 PM
everyday my family ask me.. how do i answer them? i think i'm just so stupid to wait patiently knowing nothing good would come out of it. why did you have to leave just as everything was going so smoothly for me? sigh. every night i cry myself to sleep.. you've changed. you've been very cold now. im too used to messaging you everytime i do something because thats what i used to do before. calling you up everytime i have the chance to but i guess its kinda awkward to do that now knowing you wont reply my sms-es anymore. i lost you even before having you.. i know i can never have you. but why must life be so unfair? when one moment in my life, i thought i found the right guy, but God had to take him away from me. i read ALL our past conversations in MSN and how i miss telling you i miss you. miss giving you kisses and hugs. listened to all the songs you sent me, recalling you singing them while studying on my bed. when i walked my dog this afternoon, i miss having someone there with me to walk sydney. i felt so alone without you here. i wonder what you're doing now.. having dinner with your friend..? sigh.
ARE ALL GUYS LIKE THIS? sigh. so far i know 2 girls of the same case as me. one of them is my very good friend too.
took a half day off today from work cos i had an eye appointment at gleneagles. and i've scheduled my op to be on the 1st of october. (: it'll take about a week for the swell to fully go down so one week w/o makeup and contact lens. ohh gosh. bettina | 4:02 PM
well, the rest of the day shall be staying home and just slacking away. ): my rashes is back and they're itching like mad la. all thanks to the dog leash.
bettina | 5:03 PM
this is where i sit at DMH surfing the net. tsk.
the bowl of sweets that my hands never fail to plunge in.
MAC workstations.
Windows workstations.
Ixus I5 and the new Ixus IZoom.
MET CRYS AND CHENGYIN!
what i ordered at TCC. some potato + cheese filling. *yumm.
what they ate. chocolate practically OOZES out when you take a bite into it.
us in raffles city.
esplanade underpass!
outside esplanade.
at west coast. (:
there are actually more photos but they're with crystal. so will upload them when ive got it. (:
i dont want anybody else, but you, you, you.
i'm actually not alright at all. i'm just feeling so troubled.
but its not like things are going to change if i tell you.
sigh.
just got back home again! (: coming home at 3am 2 days in a row. but its fun staying out late. this time chengyin joined us. well, worked finish at 9pm today and then chengyin and crystal came to meet me at bugis. we went TCC had some food then we walked to esplanade, MORE FOOD, this time 4 scoops + 3 toppings of ice cream at haagen dazs. took lots of pictures and taught them some functions in the camera that are very useful. (learnt how to use those functions today so sorta taught them some.) bettina | 3:05 AM
then walked around and waited for samuel to pick us up. we went west coast! had so much fun lah. we played some spinning thing that nearly killed me. i kept screaming! haha. its just super fun especially with friends. but must go in a bigger group then its even more fun. after playing so much, we went mc cafe had coffee. and samuel dropped me and chengyin home while he bring crys to sentosa cos she has some event at 6am so she went to meet her friends who are already there.
anyway, one funny thing i must say. in the car this happened.
me: -mumbling to myself.-
chengyin: HUH?
me: i was talking to myself.
chengyin: OH sorry for eavesdropping.
hahaa. damn funny lah. its such a cute way of answering me. (:
well, we gotta do this more often girls. next weekend! (: pictures will be up tomorrow! damn tired now. (: goodnight!
working at canon's digital media hub today and right now im in the midst of working and im not suppose to be blogging. haha. work is damn slack. i just have to issue membership cards, receipts, go online and surf CANON'S WEBSITE? and help out at some event upstairs. everything the guy does it for me. and if the phone rings, i wont answer lah. i hope it never rings. bettina | 1:53 PM
argh. bored to death. keep eating sweets cos there's a bowl of sweets right in front of me and i cant stop popping them. too sleepy. shall post photos of this outlet tonight.
just got home from supper with crystal and samuel. before having supper, both of them dropped me at ngeeann and they waited at the bus stop in the car while i go in to look for yixian. he was there cos he has some vball camp. so went to meet him for a while. bettina | 2:58 AM
went holland after that and bought a orea cheesecake from nydc and surprised chengyin with it at her place. haha. it was around 1am when we went over. we kept laughing la for dont know what reason. (:
we then left holland and went bukit timah road for prata so only sam ate while me and crys had milo dinosaur. *yums. but super heaty. and after drinking that huge cup, i feel like vomiting.
work tomorrow at digital media hub, ALONE. ): wont know what to do lah. its my first time starting my actual work. training is over. ): well, what to do.. slowly learn.
took lots of pictures during work today. some are not uploaded but will upload them as soon as i get them from andrea.
i wanna go on a cruise!
keppel bay tower. where canon headquarters is.
the meeting room where we study in.
sigh.. bettina | 12:37 AM
i'm sorry for being so insensitive. i really didnt know you were going through that much. i'm sure you're going to pull through this and everything will be alright. (: believe in yourself ya. cos we all believe in you.
anyway my parents are super nice and super sweet this few days. dad and mom would just call me all of a sudden and ask me silly questions. like "how are you?" "what happened?" "why do you look so sad nowadays?" and "arent you suppose to.. " and "why so long never.."
this morning, woke up, mom came into my room and we talked. she asked me alot of things and asked if i needed her help. she was ultra nice. she was going ikea and i told her im going bugis so she drove me all the way to town to take a bus to bugis. think about it. town and ikea. its so far la. its not even on the way. i have a straight bus to bugis at my place but she insisted on dropping me somewhere nearer so the travelling time would shorten. and when she was about to drop me off, there was only one mid-age guy at the bus stop and she was quite worried for me. (:
i miss you so much. sigh.
!#$%!#$%!#%!#%$& bettina | 7:11 PM
ARGHHHHHH.
went bugis to meet andrea cos we had to meet dennis to collect some stuffs and then bought 2 tops for my mom at m)phosis and then went bras basah complex to get some materials for benson kor and he came to pick me up and dropped me at alicia's place. bettina | 5:22 PM
got her lunch and i'm at her place now. super bored and super tired. ): i want to nap.....
i've got lots of wardrobe space that means i need more clothes! ): too little clothes. i threw away many of them cos i dont even wear them so no point. bettina | 11:56 AM
leaving my house at 1:30pm. going down to bugis with andrea to meet Dennis to sign some stuffs and off to alicia's place.
iMISSyouSObadly.WHENcanIseeYOUagain?sigh.
sigh. bettina | 9:42 PM
work was alright. left at one. went for lunch with andrea and left for town to meet crystal. bought lots of things and i feel happier. 1 top, 1 pair of shoes, 2 pairs of earrings, 1 bag, 1 hairband, mac concealor and i guess thats about it.
cy, ivy and elsie came to meet us. walked and walked till 8plus and now im back home.
tomorrow i'm off and i dont know if im going out. holidays dont feel like holidays. sigh. i'd rather go back to school. work sucks. going out bcos there's nothing to do sucks.
oh well..
tomorrow work from 10:30am-2pm. and thank goodness i found someone to accompany me tomorrow or i'll just shop alone and probably watch movie myself. bettina | 11:31 PM
girls going zouk tomorrow. thinking whether i should go with them. sigh. i wont know what to do at home anyway. life is so fucked up.
anyway the feeling of spending all your money rocks when you're feeling down. thanks girls. tomorrow is another shopping day for me. im going to splurge.
sigh. im back to my old habit. i know you guys will kill me but i had to get rid of the pain. i want it all to go away...
bettina | 11:08 PM
first day of training. bettina | 8:07 PM
i nearly died sitting in there listening to him talk about customer service, cameras and printers. its like having canon lessons. although the hours were only 1:30-6pm with one hour break in between. tomorrow will be worse. 10am-7pm. i even have to study the notes tonight and have a better understanding on the things he taught today.
during my 1hr break, met candice, cassendra and jasmine at fortune centre and went up to nintendo's office to collect my cheque. (: its finally here.
didnt get to meet the girls. im sorry girls. we'll meet up another day yea. (:
on the way home, there were total of 4 accidents and therefore it took me an hour plus to get home. ): super tired now. ohh and our new tv is here.
anyway, i hope you would STOP sms-ing and calling me. we're through and i hope you can understand that. why should you even care if i'm angry with you or not. stop acting like we're still together alright. dont even bother lying to me now cos i dont care at all ok? stop msging and telling me how sick and how poor thing you are cos i know you're just trying to make me feel bad. i had enough and i hope you can stop all your nonsense. i'm not going to answer any of your calls or reply any of your sms-es. i hope we can just move on with our lives. i dont want to lead that kind of life anymore.
work later at canon. ): dont really wish to work but anyway there's nothing much to do at home too. ohwell. will be meeting andrea at around 1plus. and hopefully i finish early so i can meet my darlings. (: bettina | 10:27 AM
hope everything's alright for you. (: all the best for today's paper! you can do it. :D right now i know that there's alot of things happening but i hope you can forget about them. well, i dont wanna make you feel irritated so i guess i'll wait for ur calls. take care..
me and uncle jeff's daughter, petra! she's soo adorable!
i carried her most of the time and she dozed off in my arms! oh my. soo cute and chubby! i kept kissing her. she kept drooling on my jacket and i could feel the drool seaping through my jacket into my arms. HAHA. gross right? but she's darn cute! (:
bettina | 8:46 PM
(: i want to forget everything that was in my past and start anew with the new people around me! i love you guys.
bettina | 8:05 PM
