was on the way home on the bus with celine after having coffee at holland and a movie, SKY HIGH! at great world where i passed by many bus stops that showed this advertisement.
"If you feel like crying all the time, you are under depression."
"If you feel stressed all the time, you are under depression."
ever since the cute-guy-at-foc thing, i feel like life is meaningless. i dont know why i feel like that and i know many of you might say, "c'mon. this is nothing. you guys only knew each other for like.. how long? a few weeks? oh please!" or "dont take things so seriously! there are many guys out there!" and all that crap. but you know what, i dont wish to listen about all this crap cos i dont freaking care about what you say! and to be honest, i've heard it a million times. and im so sick of it. i dont want to feel like this too but what can i do!? yes. its been more than a month and i havent gotten over it. but let me just say, i've been totally serious about him and my heart is still with him and i seriously dont know where it is now. you might think i look cheery on the outside and stuff, enjoying life as the days go by, but this is not how i exactly feel. i feel terrible on the inside, and i really cant help myself. im under alot of pressure and its really taking hold of me. my colleagues know because during work, this is when the pressure starts to appear. i get totally stressed out at work. and being busy doesnt work on me at all. i start to think ALOT more than i usually do. and i often break down at work crying in front of my colleagues. they often talk to me but it doesnt help at all. i feel myself slowly falling into pieces. i know i can always confide in God, but i feel im slowing slipping away from Him. i think i should start going back to church. why is it that relationships with guys always never make out? i know. this does not mean ALL the guys are like this. dont tell me all this. cos as i said, ive heard this too many times to ever think about it. im sick and tired of everything. relationships are just a waste of time to me. i'm always the one being serious. why cant anyone be serious with me for once?
i think i am under depression. but who gives a fuck. it just gets worse everyday.
bettina | 10:27 PM
